Spiders in the Soul

I sleep on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed. I despise the top bunk.

The underside of my sister's bed (she's on the top bunk because she despises the bottom bunk) has this paper-mesh-thread-cover thingie the goes across it to cover the wood stuff of the underside of her bed. Which is above my face. This cover thingie is ripped to shreds, but still hanging there. I sewed it up a couple of years ago, which was no easy feat, I promise you, and it's all coming apart again. So now I pose the question, to sew or not to sew?

I can sew it up again and hope it holds for another few years until I depart to go live on some college campus somewhere or I can just rip it down. The latter seems like the much easier option, so what's stopping me?

Spiders.

I'm not kidding. I don't do spiders inside the house. Outside I can deal with them, that's their area after all. But inside? Yeah--no. Inside is mine. Well, ours, since there are seven people living here. What if there's some old spider web under the cover? Or a spider waiting to fall on my face? Or a poisonous spider, like a brown widow or something? Or one of those HUGE black house spiders that are all creepy and scamper around? Or one of those jumping spiders with the furry legs? Or the american-non-venomous version of the banana spider?

None of those sound like good options to me!

I suppose I can relate this struggle to my spiritual life. These ten months are/will be a time for pulling back the cover and seeing what's underneath. Can I handle what's underneath? Theoretically, yes. Do I want to see what's underneath? Well....that's debatable.

I could pull back the cover on my bed and have a spider waiting to eat me. Or fifty bucks could fall out. That seems unlikely, but with my family, you never know. Okay, except the fifty bucks. That's pretty much impossible. But I could find a quarter!

I could pull back the cover to my soul--what's really there. I could find something good. Or I could find something bad. Fear is keeping me from revealing the truth I know is going to have to be revealed. What am I afraid of?

I suppose I'm afraid of finding out that I'm actually a really cruel person. I don't think I'm cruel. But what about selfish? I know I'm already selfish to a degree, but what if I find out that I'm just drenched in it?

Well, I guess I'll feel pretty bad. But something's got to be done about it, I suppose. The spider can't sit underneath the cover forever. It needs to be found and removed. Or if it's a quarter, it needs to be put to good use. Spiders must be removed. Quarters must be put into piggy banks.

I suppose that cover's going to have to be dealt with eventually. Might as well get it over with. And if there is a spider? Well, spiders eat bugs don't they?