A Trip To The Dentists

I really despise going to the dentist. I don't mind going to the orthodontist. But the dental office is another place, another story, another chair of nightmares.

Okay maybe not quite that extreme, but you see what I'm getting at. You know the drill.

Step 1: You enter the office, sign in, say hello to the ladies in those shirts that scream "I'm either a children's doctor or a dental worker", sit down and read a magazine or book while you nervously wait for your name.

Step 2: You're taken back to a room with a hygienist and make small talk. They ask teenagers if they're glad to be out of school. They ask parents if they're still sane with their kids home. You answer, you sit in the chair, hygienist continues to make small talk. X-ray, bib, glasses. Now, the horror begins.

Step 3: They continue to make small talk, but with their hands in your mouth, you can't answer so you just count tiles on the ceiling and pretend to listen. If you're lucky enough to have a television in the ceiling, you absently watch that. After five minutes you realize your body is tenser than the Hulk in a china shop. You relax. You repeat this process every five minutes until it's time to go.

Step 4: That sucking contraption they stick in your mouth is the worst. You have to breathe through your nose and keep your tongue out of the way. You can barely breathe because it sucks up the air that comes down your nasal passages, and let's not even get started about having a cold.

Step 5: Hygienist removes bib and glasses. You sit up. They talk for a minute about tooth and gum position, hand you a bag with the toothbrush, and out you go. You're free. Well, almost. You sign out,reluctantly schedule your next appointment, and leave. They remind you not to eat, drink, or rinse for thirty minutes, but you both know that's never going to happen. You just need that disgusting taste of fluoride (and baking soda, if you have braces like me) out of your mouth, off of your teeth, and away from your lips!

Oh, and don't forget to floss.