Now imagine you're pulling this wagon, and that you're writing a memoir of your life as it happens. Each event is a story. With each event that happens, good or bad, you record it in a book and then place the book in your super shiny wagon.
After a while, your wagon starts to get heavier and heavier. If you're a saint and all your books are filled with good things, then you're proud if it's weight. But few of us are saints. If your books are like mine, then many of them are filled with pain and mistakes alongside the good things .
The books pile up. The more books you fill the heavier your wagon gets, the more tired you become, the more tired you become, the more your wagon drags, and the more your wagon drags, the dirtier it gets.
Then imagine you see this guy walking towards you. He comes up and sees how tired you are. He asks," Would you like some help?" You don't know him, so you answer," No, thanks."
"Well, can I walk with you? Just in case?" he asks. You agree, but only because this is a hypothetical situation where stranger-danger doesn't apply.
He starts talking to you. After a while you get into a conversation with him. You realize that you like this guy. He's cool. He's nice and funny and you feel really safe with him. After a while, he asks again, "Would you like some help with the wagon?" Again, you refuse. He's quickly becoming a friend, but you think you can handle it and don't want to burden him with your stuff.
He asks about the books.
"They're the story of my life." you explain.
"That's a lot of books." he says. "Your life must be pretty interesting. Can I see?"
You hesitate, but you like this guy, so you say, "Sure." you pick a book with good things in it. You don't want to depress him with the bad things. And besides, those are your things. Yours and yours alone. He doesn't need to be all up in your business, no matter who he is.
He looks through it. "I like this." he says. "Can I see another?"
You show him only the good ones, and he reads them all. He laughs and smiles and you talk about the experiences. Then he sees one that looks kind of run down, kind of beaten up. "What's in that book?" he asks. You hesitate again. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay, though." he adds.
"No, it's okay." but your voice kind of shakes. It's not really okay. "That book has the stories about all the bad stuff."
"Oh." he says. He can see you're upset. You can see that he wants to help, so when he asks, "May I see?" you decide to show him one story and only one story. He reads the story and you can see that he's starting to cry. You wonder why he's crying, so you ask him.
"Should I smile?" he asks you. "This is sad. It obviously made you sad and made you cry. Crying alone is sad, too. I don't want you to be sad." You think you're going to start crying. "How many books have things like this?"
You sigh. You look back at the wagon and the books. "A lot of them." you say. He stops and you stop with him. He put the book back in the wagon.
"I don't want you to be sad." he says. "And I don't want you to be sad and alone." He looks sincere. "Can I stay with you forever?"
You hesitate. "But you don't know me." you protest. "How can I believe you?"
He sighs. "You look tired. Can I pull your wagon for a little while?" You sigh, too, and finally agree. You give him the handle of the wagon, and expect him to start walking. But he doesn't. He goes around to expect the wagon. "This poor wagon." he says. "May I wash it?" You agree, and together you make the wagon as clean as it can be, but with all the books, it's hard to keep it clean.
You start walking with him. After a while, he says, "You look really tired. Would you like to rest?" You say sure, and you stop by some trees. "How about in the wagon?" he says. The wagon, although heavy, is large, and there is room for you to be comfortable.
"Are you sure?" you ask. You don't want to burden him. He smiles. "Of course!" he says. You get into the wagon, and after a while you're asleep.
After a while you wake up. "Awake, I see!" he says, smiling. Then he looks at the books. "I don't want you to move, but this is really heavy. Do you really need all of these books?"
"I've always had them." you say.
"Can I take some from the wagon?" he asks. "I'll put them in my wagon so you don't have to carry them." You're not sure. "Just one?" he asks. You sigh. "Okay..." he takes a book from the wagon, the one he saw that made him cry. The moment he picks it up, it vanishes.
"Where did it go?" you ask. That's your story. You want it.
"To my wagon." he said and smiled. He keeps walking. You fall asleep again. When you wake up, he asks if he can read a book. Being very tired, you say sure and hand him the one nearest to you. You go back to sleep. You don't know it, but he's reading the book and crying. When you wake up again, he asks if he can send some more books to his wagon. "Okay." you say. "Can I pull my wagon, though? I'm not tired anymore." Some of the books disappear when you get out and he hands you the handle to the wagon. You start walking. "Wow! It's lighter!" you say. You beam.
"Yes, it is!" he says. You start talking to him again. You keep talking for a long time, going into deeper and deeper conversations until your telling him your whole life story. You could let him read it, but you want to tell him yourself. You don't notice it, but the more stories you tell him, the more books disappear.
Finally, there's only one book left. It's a book that looks very, very worn out. It's dirty and gross and old-looking. You realize that you and he have been crying for a long time.
"Can I put that book in my wagon?" he asks you. "It will be safe there, but you don't have to carry it anymore."
"No." you say. He's your best friend now. "I don't want you to read that book."
"But you told me the others." he says. He is not condescending or impatient, but gentle. "What's different about that one?"
You sigh. "That one has all of my mistakes." you say. "I don't want you to see those." Every mistake you've ever made runs through your mind. You realize you're about to start a full out sobbing session.
"I saw the others." he says. You drop the handle of the wagon and stop. "I know you. I love you."
"But if you read that one, you'll want to leave!" you say. You start crying again. "I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay! That book will change everything!" You're embarrassed about crying in front of him for the first time, so you cover your face with your hands. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you. He doesn't talk for a long time; he just listens to you cry. You can feel his tears fall from his face into your hair or onto your shoulders. You calm down after a long while, and he speaks.
"How could I leave you?" he asks, still holding you close. "How could I leave the one that I love? I love you! I want to be with you forever! I do not want you to be alone, and as long as I am here, you will never have to be alone! Why should I leave? I love you, and what you have done will never, ever change that!"
"Everyone says that." you protest, but you want him to be telling the truth, so you pull back and give him the book. "Take it." you say. "Just take it. You'll see. That book changes everything."
He starts reading the book. You stand there, waiting for the moment when he will say, "You know, you're not who I thought you were. Here are your books back. Maybe I'll see you around." But that moment never comes.
He finishes the book. "Oh, my beloved. I love you." Suddenly, again, you're crying. You're crying so hard that when he puts the book down and wraps his arms around you again, you start to fall, but he catches you. He doesn't let you go. "I will never abandon or forsake or leave you." he says. "I love you." You cling to him. You cry. He holds you. You know that you are safe with him. You know with all your heart that he's telling the truth, and you realize that you love him, too. "Don't leave me." he says. "I'll never leave you. I love you."
"I love you, too." you say. You realize, with a start, that he's somebody amazing. You want to get to know him even more, but you know that the only way to do that is to let him take the book for you. You give him the book. The moment he takes it, it vanishes. You feel great. Like the whole world has suddenly turned around.
"Let's clean your wagon." he suggests. You feel fantastic, so you agree. You both clean the wagon, and after a while it's as beautiful as it was to start out. You start walking with the wagon, and living, and all the while you're talking. You learn more about him and his story. You realize how fantastic he is. You can't imagine your life without him after a while.
Finally, He takes the wagon completely from you. You realize that He saved your life and you want to give everything to Him that you can, so every book you complete you give to Him. Your wagon merges with His wagon, and it's just the two of you walking, side-by-side. Sometimes you get a story that's sad or you make a mistake, but you know He still loves you and that He forgives you. You give all of these stories to Him, too. You and He become great pals. You never go anywhere without Him and He never leaves you.
Then one day, you see someone walking that has a wagon full of books. You remember what it was like without this Guy beside you. You look at Him and He looks at you. He smiles and then leads you to the person with the wagon.
You are incredibly gifted. That story (slash-narrative-slash-I-don't-even-know) really is quite touching. It made me smile, because it's just so very true.
ReplyDeleteCheers!